Hard Days

Today's one of them. I met Kevin 19 years ago today. Seems like yesterday. I think I recounted our meeting last year - check the archives if interested. Too tired to find the link.

I was able to move almost all of his clothes from our closet this weekend. I've been doing it in stages. I can't bring myself to open, let alone clear, his sock and underwear drawer. But more on that another time.

I found two pairs of shoes he wore all the time - his sneakers and his Rockports in the back corner of our closet. And two pairs of shoes I'm sure he had forgotten he had. I put all of them in a brown bag on Saturday but have been unable to throw them away. Something seems so wrong about throwing away anything of his - probably because he only kept those things he used or needed - or would have considered essential. We spent some time on the fact that I never throw anything away - and that drove him crazy. How I miss him.

And did you watch Six Feet Under last night? While not the emotional catharsis I thought it would be, it did have three highlights for me. One was during the pre-show when producer/creator Alan Ball said grief makes you crazy. And the second was when George was trying to comfort Ruth by saying time will help. She was right on when she that's bullshit. It gets worse with time. And I'm starting to think that all time does is put enough distance between you so that your mind and body are tricked into thinking you've moved on. Though you never really do. Someone, they tell me, it'll all be okay. Bullshit.

And the third was Claire driving to New York and seeing what life and death awaits each of the main characters. Just a reminder that we all have a road to follow. Sometimes its of our own choosing. Sometimes it's not. But we all come to the end of the road.